My Need for a Savior

Well I haven't blogged in quite a while because to be quite honest it became a pride issue.  I was constantly writing things that just made me look better and I am not good.  I am just a filthy sinner in need of a Savior.  On my journey to marriage in the next 5 months I have grown to see my sin more magnified.  I have seen my sin hurt the ones I love the most.  My selfish ambitions and desires have been a constant battle.  I seem to overcome a struggle and end up reaching the pit of that sin once again.  I say "Hey Lord, Thanks for helping me out...See you later."  I haven't rejoiced in the blessing that the Lord has given me.  I haven't praised him when he has done something great in my life.  I get mad if he doesn't allow for me to have something my way...BUT in return he has continued to teach me the hard way.  I have allowed for my up and down moods to affect the ones around me.  Through this time I have grown to learn that my Hope is found in nothing less than the precious Blood of Christ.  I am not perfect and will never be perfect, but that is what Christ has done to change me and allow for me to recognize my NEED for him daily.

Reflecting back on my notes from church on Sunday..."Change occurs by the power of Jesus Christ within you!"  I will never be able to change myself without Christ...I have tried,  I need my Saviour.

I can't wait to call him my husband...

I can't wait to call Derrick Brent Winkler my husband because...

Through the good times and hard times I know that he will have the strength to focus our relationship to the Lord.

 He doesn't want to risk his relationship with the Lord and our relationship so he gets rid of his facebook when some girl sends an inappropriate picture. 

He spends his time serving the Lord while waiting patiently for the Lord to provide a job.

He leaves me sweet notes on my car at work.

His heart still beats really fast when I lay my head on his chest.

He values his relationship with the Lord by starting his day in the Word.

He values me by leaving at night when we are both tired, so we won't have any regrets going into our relationship.

He comforts me when I am upset.

He forces me to communicate about things I don't want to talk about.

He misses me when I am gone.  

He is the Love of my life after God of course. 

He makes me laugh and he laughs at me.

1 John 4:19 "We LOVE because he First Loved Us."

Through mine and Derrick's engagement it has been difficult with temptation, but the Lord has consumed our thoughts and hearts.  Through Satan's schemes and trying to crush our relationship, we have begun to cling to the Lord within the past week.  It has been a beautiful time of growing and maturing.  I am so excited to see what the Lord will continue to teach us over the next 242 days of our engagement that will prepare us for marriage.  

Through this time we would like to ask for your prayers and support to prepare us for marriage.  

The Importance of the Gospel

Life has been pretty busy.  I work 20-25 hours a week, go to school 15 hours (plus tons of papers, test, and projects)...  I was getting caught up in neglecting the Word of God and neglecting glorifying the Lord at work and in my studies.  


It wasn't until Wednesday September 28 that I had a wake up call that I was NOT expecting.  My dad called on my way after fellowship groups and had told me that my cousin, Gavin, at the age of 30 had passed away earlier that day.  Upset and confused I began to process that this is life on Earth is not our home.  I was getting caught up in going through the motions of my everyday life.  I was selfish.  I was keeping the Lord to myself, but WHY?


WHY not share what the Lord has done for you and ME??  
"Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.  But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you."  Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.  Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life.  Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet he shall live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.  Do you believe this?"  She said to him, "Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world."" John 11:21-27


Praise God that we could celebrate my cousin's life on Earth because he was a believer!  But I don't want to let any day pass by where the Lord is not proclaimed in my daily life.  Life with Christ is Eternal.  These days on Earth will pass away, but life with the Lord will last FOREVER.  


Last week for my fall break I spent a couple of days in Lawrence, Kansas for the funeral then spent the last few days in Dallas, Texas with my sister.  The break was very nice, but I found myself getting caught back up in living my life getting frustrated with Earthly things.  It wasn't til this morning reading Elisabeth Elliot's Devotional that I found myself once again reminded of the importance of the Gospel.  


Here was my slap in the face this morning:
Several Ways to Make Yourself Miserable
Author: Elisabeth Elliot


1. Count your troubles, name them one by one--at the breakfast table, if anybody will listen, or as soon as possible thereafter.
2. Worry every day about something. Don't let yourself get out of practice. It won't add a cubit to your stature but it might burn a few calories.
3. Pity yourself. If you do enough of this, nobody else will have to do it for you.
4. Devise clever but decent ways to serve God and mammon. After all, a man's gotta live.
5. Make it your business to find out what the Joneses are buying this year and where they're going. Try to do them at least one better even if you have to take out another loan to do it.
6. Stay away from absolutes. It's what's right for you that matters. Be your own person and don't allow yourself to get hung up on what others expect of you.
7. Make sure you get your rights. Never mind other people's. You have your life to live, they have theirs.
8. Don't fall into any compassion traps--the sort of situation where people can walk all over you. If you get too involved in other people's troubles, you may neglect your own.
9. Don't let Bible reading and prayer get in the way of what's really relevant--things like TV and newspapers. Invisible things are eternal. You want to stick with the visible ones--they're where it's at now.
  
Wake up call...I think so! Praise God.  


God sent his son to die on the cross for my sins and yours.  Today I ask myself...Am I going to live my life proclaiming the Gospel or Neglecting the Gospel?  

Joy.

Well I can't believe this, but I am a senior in college and I am ENGAGED!! I am engaged to my best friend and love of my life.  Praise God!  He is truly a blessing in my life.  So here's the story...

I had been a little skeptical all week because Derrick had been home the weekend before, not sure if he was getting the ring or not, but clearly he did.  So Thursday night he had said we were going on a date.  A date...YAY!  I was really excited because we were going to the restaurant where we went on our very first date, its called "You and Me".  So anyways I was praying all week that I would be content if it didn't happen, so I went into the date expecting nothing to happen.

So now this brings us to Thursday...

He picks me up at 6:30 and we get in the car. (Side note: I get in the car and check the back seat for any specific ShaneCo. boxes or bags-haha) He apologizes if he is acting weird because he SUPPOSEDLY had coffee which made him really jittery. (Lies)  So we get to You and Me for dinner and there is not one person eating there.  I had decided it wasn't going to happen tonight...too cliche' for engagement.  (Derrick hates being cliche')  So we had fun at dinner, just chatted about our day, reminisced about our first date and  it was a beautiful night.  After dinner we got in the car and we still had an hour or so before CRU and I wanted to go to this new ice cream shop in Bowling Green.  I was a little bummed because I really wanted to go, but instead we went to the walking bridge where we had gone after dinner on our first date.  As we are standing there looking at the water Derrick is rubbing my shoulders and asked me "So what were you thinking on our first date??"  I said," I mean I thought it was fun and I was nervous, I mean I don't really remember."  So then I asked him what he thought. And he says..."I was thinking this is cool, I haven't dated anyone in a while so this is really fun" He proceeds to say..."And then we dated a while And then we found a church together and I got to see your heart and how you love the Lord.  And I knew that you would love the Lord more than me.  And then I told you I loved you. And then we talked about engagement and marriage...And now that brings us to Now."  I turned around and kissed him.  He then is like "Ah! What's this poking me??" (At this point I knew)  He pulls out this little tissue paper and starts unwrapping the ring.  He then gets down on one knee and says, "Alyssa Smith, Will you marry me??"  I said, " Well YEAH!!"  So I kiss him and hug him and he's like "Well do you want to try this thing on??"  So as he is putting it on my finger I scream so loud...He was like "Oh no, is this the wrong finger??!!"  I was like NO...It's BEAUTIFUL!! I have never seen a ring like this.  Then after I calmed down a little he shared this passage with me. "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up, But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

  

A Beautiful Exchange

This is my new favorite song. It is such a beautiful depiction of the gospel.

Should not be an Excuse

My head is about to explode of everything that the Lord just revealed to me through a friend. Let's just say the conversation was completely the Lord opening my eyes to see things I had never thought about.  As we all do, we all have pasts.  And we all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but it is by God's grace that we can have a new start.  It's not to say that through your time of being renewed and living your daily walk that you won't encounter hardships.  You will encounter struggles of those past memories that will be hard, but you have to deal with them.  You can't let Satan take ahold of those struggles, God is there to work through them with you.

   

For me...It has been alcohol.  I have never seen anything good come from it.  I have had family that abuses it and can be completely irresponsible when they are consuming it. I myself have abused it in the past, but have made the decision to not drink or be around those irresponsible situations.  I lost trust from many people who have abused it.  So for me whenever I hear the word alcohol, it causes me to feel a little uneasy and often lose trust in others when they are drinking casually.  

  

But... what my friend made clear to me was that this struggle is something that Satan uses against me.  He takes hold of that situation and causes my mind to wander.  I must not judge others, but care for them and trust them.  I say care because there might be someone that the Lord places in my life that will be going through the same thing that I went through and I need to love them, not judge them.  And I say trust because there will be people in my life who can  be around alcohol or have the occasional drink responsibly and I shouldn't judge them.  I don't need to make my past an excuse, but something that the Lord will help me work on when dealing with different circumstances.  I don't need to run and hide from it, but I need to deal with it head on.  And I don't need to hinder others and cause them to struggle what I struggle with.  

  

I praise God that I have him to help me along the way.  Many trials will come along, but taking it to the Lord should become my first instinct instead of my heart and feelings.  

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Set-Apart

"Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me." Luke 9:23

Wednesdays have been the highlight of my weeks this summer.  As you have heard me mention before, I have had the delight in leading a high school girls bible study this summer.  These are my girls and I love them so so much.  We read the book Set-Apart Femininity By: Leslie Ludy, but I didn't want this to become a book club.  The Lord really placed it on my heart to each week give glory to Him and make it all about the Gospel.  I was so encouraged last night as it was our last bible study to see how much God worked in these girl's lives.  The girls each wrote me a sweet note of how much God taught them this summer and one girl wrote  "I spend so much more time in the Word, I have a passion for God like I never had before and I understand so much more about the Bible and what God wants for my life..."  Praise God.  I do not tell you this to give credit to myself because I was just the vessel that God used to get through to these girls.  It is because God that these girls and myself grew closer to Him this summer. 

As young women seeking to glorify God we recognized that our focus needs to be on Jesus Christ everyday.  I got these rings for the girls so that they will have something to look at each day and remember who we are supposed to be living for.  Our lives as Christians are supposed to be like Christ.  He is the one that God sent to Die on the Cross for OUR sins and because of this we must follow him.  

These girls have brought so much joy to my life and I praise God for them to be a part of my life.  I pray that these girls cling to the cross daily and don't get caught up in what this world tells us.  It is about Jesus and no one else, the rest will fall into place.  

I love you- Mandi, Taylor, Elizabeth, Allison, Lauren, and Lianna

Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."